Monday, February 20, 2012

Plain and Simple

Immature curse words ahead.

My husband and I have been fighting these last couple of days. He'd kill me if he found out I told you.  I guess he wants everyone to think we're perfect.  Aren't we?  So...this is between you and me.  M'kay?  Pinky swear?

The fight started over something that was so stupid and ridiculous.  Then it grew into something bigger.  Way bigger than what it actually was.  You know...the "you hurt my feelings" - "no you hurt MY feelings" crap. Silly, mundane, stupid stuff when you look at the big picture. We don't fight often, but when we do, it's usually a doozy. That's what happens when you put a Latino and an Irish/English/Italian Red head together.  What?  I DO TOO have natural red mean highlights.   

I'm not proud of how I talk to him and I'm pretty sure that after all is said and done, he isn't proud of how he speaks to me during these times either. What can make matters worse now, is that our girls are usually within ear shot. I don't want my girls to grow up saying the things that come out of my mouth, yet I can't seem to stop myself when my feelings are hurt, or I feel as if I was wrongfully treated. I want my girls to stand up for themselves, but I pray they do it more intelligently and with less curse words than I do. I hope they are more mature in their arguments. Refrain from the F word. Don't call each other names. Don't stomp your foot like a two year old. Don't walk away from an argument when things need to be said. Now that I have children, I do try so hard not to do the same immature and irrational things I used to....but still...crap runs out of my mouth before I have a chance to think about it. And when I finally do, it's too late.

Fuck me. There goes that Mother of the Year award again.

I'm kind of getting off point here. My original intent for this post is to really state the obvious. 

Life is just too short. 

 Why fill it with hurtful words and regretful arguments? Fighting between spouses is said to be healthy for the relationship. Is it? Is it REALLY?? I love my husband with all of my heart and soul. He truly is my very best friend in this world. Yet, we can say such hurtful and malicious things to each other. How is that healthy? What if the last words I said to him were "fuck you" before leaving the house? What if, after I left the house, I was in a horrible car accident and God Forbid didn't make it out alive? Those words would hang over his head for the REST OF HIS LIFE. Would I care? Nope. I'm dead. But the thought of him having to replay those disrespectful and downright mean words over and over and over in his head for the rest of HIS life makes me cry. Why can't I think of this BEFORE I say these things?

I read blogs...lots of blogs.  One of the blogs I follow religiously is In Jennie's Kitchen. It was (and still is) a food blog. A damn good food blog. She's a great writer and her recipes rock. One day, her husband died. Very suddenly. Leaving her with two small daughters. And, as you can imagine, her life was ripped apart. Her eloquence, her raw words, are absolutely heart wrenching and captivating. I don't know this woman. I will never ever meet her. But I feel as if I have taken this journey with her. Her words help me understand better, my own friend's feelings who lost her husband a little less than a year ago. Not all grieving paths are the same, but her words  certainly puts things into perspective. It helps me realize that, although we can be angry at the loves in our lives, we have to stop and take a moment to think about the big picture. Is being angry over a form that wasn't filled out, REALLY worth a screaming match? Were the hurtful things that came out of my mouth really necessary? Was the look on my daughter's face as my husband and I retaliate really what I want to be imbedded in my memory for the rest of my life.... or his...or worse...theirs? Everyone has a right to be angry or have a bad day. But everyone has a choice on how they handle those angry moments and bad days. We all have to stop what we're doing and look at the big picture. Not so easy in the heat of the moment....I know.....but "we" HAVE to. As people. As humans. We ALL have to.

Because when all is said and done....when the dust has settled...those words, those actions, cannot be taken back. 

 Life is too damn short people. 

 Plain and simple. 


  1. Hey. I read your post and you know this is. Sometime we are all in bad moods or something is really bugging you. One just has to realize it before things get way out of whack. One thing that you both need to is to totally respect each other at ALL times. If there is disrespect, nothing can be accomplished. If you can both respect each other, then you both have the fair playing field of disagreeing with each other. If you disagree with something then you are able to talk about it before it gets out of hand. Thanks to my other half, I have mastered this. I drive home from work and can't wait to see his face. Yup.. we do have some disagreements but when we both put our heads together we are unstoppable. We have not known you both for very long but really enjoy energy when we are around you both. You are great people. After the kids go to bed tonight, sit on the couch (with the TV off) and really talk to each other. Ask each other what respect is and go from there. Make goals for yourselves. It can be as simple as having some time to yourselves or doing something together. Love you both. J... of J and M

  2. I suppose telling you that you are not the only people who fight viciously would make you feel any better would it? I hear you and I know where you are coming from. It is really hard to put the anger from a big fight behind you and move forward. It festers into something worse than what the fight was about to begin with. You need to kiss. Hug. Make Love. Reconnect and move forward.

  3. You humble me with your honesty...I agree with J in that respect at all times is the key to a successful relationship. But, when we do falter, as all humans do, owning one's shortcomings is the first step in moving forward- profess your sorrow in regard to your action. Forgiveness (of others and one's self) is the second step. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and not proud/stubborn. You're more likely to reap positive benefits that way. That said, if you forgive, humble yourself and respect your partner, but you're not getting the same back in return, go to counseling or get the hell out of there!

  4. I love you J and M...and I love you Kim. You are all right. Of course, I wrote this to teach people that it's ok to disagree...but it's NOT ok to continue to disrespect each other. To remind people that words hurt worse than weapons sometimes...and life is too short to hurt those you love. xoxo

  5. Wow! What a first post to read on a blog!! You had me riveted with your words and I have been there, done that, and agree entirely. I am stubborn and have to let myself forgive...even myself...that can be hard. Not letting others put you down is also essential!